The biggest news story this week has to be the TV News Anchor “Michael,” who was just trying to fit in with his female anchor companions at the end of a story about enhancing female sex drive. Well, just watch for yourself:

TSA Agents down in Miami who are more concerned over their co-workers’ penis size than protecting us, the travelin’ public from terrorists were still in the news.

I talked about it here a little while ago.

Poor Rolando Negrin. I know some are arguing and making fun of him for his short stature but we don’t seriously know how big (or how small!) he really is. I’m over 8” soft myself, and can make even those of you with perfectly normal cocks look small in comparison so who am I to judge? For that matter, who the hell are you? But now you know why the TSA doesn’t want the traveling public to see un-doctored images from these things.

Notice I completely stayed away from one poor New Zealand tourist who got a little more than he bargained for when he went swimming.

And I’m starting to see more stories crop up, and more searches surrounding MTV’s new TV series “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”. We’ve learned that Jeffrey Katzenberg’s son (think Dreamworks) is one of the heavy-weights around it, and that it has a lot of low-brow humor.

I read one article that described it as “…the show we all wanted to see when we were 15.”

But I’ve still got issues with this.

Maybe I was just raised differently, but I had enough problems of my own growing up with a ridiculously large penis to know and learn that once people discover that aspect about you, that’s all you typically become known as.

Which is no wonder that now, as an adult, I go to extraordinary lengths (no pun intended) to downplay it in real life.

Some guys get off showing off. I’m not one of those guys.

But my biggest problem with this show is that it seems to continue the stereotype that all you need is a big cock to be successful in life and that pisses me off to no end.

So that’s pretty much it for the penisphere this week. Now, let’s take a look at what you’ve been doing!

Here’s a listing of the top-ten search terms on this site for the past week in descending order:

1. nigerian penis
2. does penis size really matter
3. penis size
4. does size really matter
5. does shoe size have to do with dick size?
6. big cocks of nigerians
7. nigerian guys monster dick
8. do women like jonah falcon
9. does a vagina become loose after too many sex with different size
10. mtv show about a student with a big penis

First guys, you guys are way too fascinated with Nigerians and their penises.

I hate to burst your bubble and bust your myths but black men — on average — don’t have penises that are that much larger than white guys or latinos, and the same holds true for Nigerians.

Here I thought Nigerians’ were noticed more for their scams impersonating Kings and Bankers and other luminaries than their penises.

But let’s see if we can squelch this rumor once and for all?

Thanks to the Nigerian 419 Scams, there’s a few websites who’s sole purpose is to expose these guys and their shenanigans. No, shenanigans is not another word for penis, but there are a few Nigerian penises that we can see. Let’s take a look.

Now, 419 Eater is not a porn site, so most of the nude images of Nigerian men are at least somewhat censored, but there’s a lot of intelligence we can gleam from them.

I am a size-queen, and I know my cock, and from examining all of these pictures, I haven’t found any to be of men with abnormally large penises:

1. Oileo: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=197
   • We can just barely make out either the bottom of his scrotum or head of his penis in the shaft of the leaf covering up his privates. He looks to be about 6”–7”.
2. I am Kinky, I am not Gay: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=195
   • 5”–6” tops.
3. Husband and Wife: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=188
   • 4”–6” tops.
4. Husband and Wife #2: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=187
   • 4”–6” tops.
5. King & Kinky: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=185
   • 5”–7” tops.

Sorry fellas.The top of the charts most week is the age old question, “Does penis size really matter?” and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve done here to quell the fears of every guy out there with an average sized dick is that no, it doesn’t.

I know you’re probably thinking that’s easy for me to say as I’ve never had to deal with a small penis, but I’d gladly trade my cock for an average sized penis any day.

At least then I could wear whatever the hell I wanted without ever having to worry about whether or not something was “appropriate” for the occasion.

At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about my cock accidentally taking a dip into a toilet bowl while I’m sitting on it.

At least then annual physicals wouldn’t be awkward for those precious few minutes for me, my doctor, and the nurse.

At least then I wouldn’t have to see mothers and their children guide them away or steer them away if they see me walking down through Centennial or Piedmont wearing pants that are either just a little too tight or light in color that the sun and shadows are doing such a magnificent job at accentuating my cock because they probably think I’m some kind of pervert.

So fellas, when I die I’m donating my cock to you. You can have it.

And judging by the continued number of searches trying to figure out if a man’s shoe size, hand size, size of his nose, arm, feet, or ears have any correlation to his penis I’m afraid fellas the answer is an emphatic no,

Think about it, does the size of a woman’s nose, hands, or ears have anything to do with the size of her breasts (assuming she hasn’t had any plastic surgery)? Then why in the hell would you think a man’s hands or feet have anything to do with the size of his penis? ☺

As for Jonah Falcon, and whether or not women like him (I’m assuming the searches are referring to his penis), I don’t know. I don’t know Jonah. We’ve chatted on IM and Facebook once or twice but that’s about it. I’ve extended an offer to him in the past if he wants to chime in on his penis, but my take is he’d rather be known for his acting than his penis which not only do I not blame him, but I laud him for those efforts as well.

Last, “…does a woman’s vagina become loose…” where I’m assuming the person meant after having too much sex or sex with really large guys and the like.

A woman’s external reproductive organs are elastic and are designed to stretch and accommodate the passage and delivery of a new born baby. Most human penises don’t come anywhere close to the dimensions of a newborn.

But if a woman is concerned about her vaginal muscles weakening, performing Kegel Exercises (and strengthening the “PC” muscles) will certainly help. Guys, you can do this too and it’ll help you just as much.

The “PC” muscles are the same muscles you use to start and stop the flow of urine when you’re peeing. Tense these muscles up, do about 3 sets of 20 reps each day and both you and your partner will definitely enhance each others’ sex lives.

So that’s it for this week! I hope you’ve learned a little something today either about yourself or about your partner. I hope I’ve succeeded in quelling either some of your rumors or your fears. Education is the most powerful weapon, and the more educated you are the less likely you are to be scammed, ripped off, or sounding like an idiot.

Now, I’m late for my morning run! See ya!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if you’ve arrived here from using this search term then odds are you’re probably a guy with a 5–6 inch cock and have seen a few porn videos or pictures and wonder why yours doesn’t look like the guys in those videos, or you may wonder if yours will ever get that big, or if there’s anything you can do to make yours any bigger.

There’s a saying that goes, “if a woman tells you size doesn’t matter then only thing you can be certain of is that she’s lying.” I’m not going to lie to you. To some women the size of your johnson definitely matters to them. (Same for gay men, too.)

Some women and gay men are simply attracted to guys with large cocks.

Newsflash though: some men are attracted to redheads, blondes, or women with large breasts, big butts, long hair, freckles, and more!

But in the grand scheme of things does the size of your cock matter?

Of course not.

First off, if someone breaks up with someone over the size of their cock, I sure as hell know I would be kissing the ground where I stand, thankful in the fact I found out how much of an idiot that person was I was dating before things with that person got even more serious.

Second, would you rather be with someone that loves and respects you for who you are, or would you want to be with someone that only wants you to be someone you’re not? It’s like saying that the size of your feet matter in a relationship. I guess they would, if you were dating a shoe.

Third, some women (and men!) love a bigger cock because it “feels better” when you’re having sex.

A much larger portion of the population wouldn’t dare to have sex with you (if you’ve got a large penis) because on the flip-side they’d be afraid of you hurting them.

Guys: instead of worrying about the size of your penis, pay attention to the parts of you you actually have control over and can change.

Put your lover first. Make sure their needs are met before yours (both inside the bedroom and beyond). You don’t need a big dick to show somebody how much you care for them, or how much you love them or appreciate them.

If your girlfriend or boyfriend truly loves you, they’re not going to care what size your dick is. Sure, you may think having a larger cock will allow you to please your lover more, but the largest sexual organ you and your partner’s got isn’t between either of your legs. It’s on top of your shoulders.

If you’re still concerned about the size of your dick, feel free to contact me and let’s discuss it.

Hi! It’s me, Mike. I’m writing to you today because I’d like to try to share with you something, and try to convince you of something else.

Whether you have a 13 ½” penis like Jonah Falcon, a foot-longer like me, 9″ like Ken Ryker, or the 7″, 6″, or 5″ that you probably are, a couple of things I know are for certain:

A) Man is not measured by the size of his penis.
B) Some things in life can’t be controlled.
C) If you truly want to get laid more, and be known as a sexual god, put your partner’s sexual needs before yours.

I’m not going to tell you that size doesn’t matter here, I’m sure for some it does. After all, if size didn’t matter there wouldn’t be a slew of men who weren’t attracted to big breasts, and the occasional man or woman who wasn’t attracted to a large cock.

But let’s take a step back here for a second, can we?

Why does it matter so much in the first place?

Look, I’m tall. 6’2″. I know for a fact there are more than a few guys who wouldn’t even give me the time of day based on my height alone. But newsflash guys, we can’t change our height lest we wish to subject ourselves to medieval torture.

I’ve also got big ears. In fact, I hate my ears. Always have. If there was one part on my body that I wish I could change it’d be my ears. But newsflash, I can’t easily change my ears not without undergoing expensive (and painful) plastic surgery.

And, I have a big dick.

But let me tell you how I got my dick.

It wasn’t through prayer. It wasn’t through pills. No crémes, no ointments, no lotions.

No stretching, no exercising, no “jelqing”, no weights.

Just two loving people who got married, fucked, and had a baby.

Now, here’s the news flash: I have been turned down for sex more times in my life both as a teenager and as an adult the moment someone saw my cock … than not.

Why is that?

Could it be simply because when something or someone is “out of the ordinary” they then become an oddity? A curiosity? Something to study, or admire?

See, you guys think you’re going to have your pick of any hot chick or guy walking down the street if only you had a larger penis.

Uh, why?

Do you honestly think a large “basket” will make you attractive? Trust me guys, the only looks a large basket draws to one’s-self are looks of disgust.

It’s the psychology of fear or jealousy I suppose.

Marketers have done an amazing job convincing women that only if they’d do this or do that then their husbands and boyfriends will love them more or would want to stay with them.

Um, hello?!

Marketers know that men are naturally competitive and some will endlessly try to one-up another. There’s always a few of us who can’t stand to have a big screen TV that’s 1″ smaller than our brother or our neighbors’.

But bigger is not always better.

Since the prostate is only located about 1½” inside the anus, on the other side of the colon, and since the G-Spot is only about 3″ inside the vagina — let’s not forget that the vagina in itself is only about 5″ long, but men seem to forget that there’s so much more to a woman’s anatomy than her vagina — hello, fellas! You’re forgetting her clitoris and vulva, and for that you don’t even need to step inside.

So let’s do some simple math here…

How big of a dick are you going to need in order to adequately stimulate your partner?

If you’re smart, you won’t even need one. You think I’m kidding? Then you haven’t met any lesbians.

Please understand this fellas, there is no pill that’s going to help you. Use your head here for one second (I’m talking about the one you DON’T piss with):

IF ALL THOSE PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS WORKED WE WOULD LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE ALLMOST GUYS WOULD HAVE INSANELY LARGE DICKS.

You know you’ve checked out the guy next to you at the bathroom before. There’s just not that many of us (those of us with large dicks) around is there?

Want to know why? Because genetics has a funny way of working out that way. After thousands of years things seems to average out.

Of course, doesn’t explain an occasional Yao Ming being discovered.

THERE ARE NO EXERCISES THAT ARE GOING TO PROVIDE YOU WITH PERMANENT AND APPRECIABLE RESULTS TO MAKE YOUR PENIS BIGGER.

Want to know why?

BECAUSE YOUR PENIS ISN’T A MUSCLE.

It has no muscular tissue.

Exercise strengthens muscles.

Your penis isn’t a muscle.

It has no muscular tissue.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO RISK PERMANENT AND PHYSICAL DAMAGE AND INJURY TO YOUR PENIS WITH “CONTRAPTIONS”?

Let’s be real here.

Torsion machines, tensioners, stretchers…

What the hell do you think they’re going to do?

Your penis is an organ comprised of dozens and dozens of layers of tissue.

Some fibrous, nerves, arteries, veins, skin, fat.

No bones.

No muscles.

Cells and organs have to be told when to grow, and a lot of it happens during puberty.

So while I’m not a physician, I’m hunching that unless you’re in puberty now, trying to stretch your cock out isn’t going to have much luck. You’re not Mr. Fantastic and besides, if that were the case than the medieval rack wouldn’t have been such the torture device that it used to be.

WOULD YOU WANT TO RISK HAVING YOUR PENIS LOOK LIKE THIS:

Penis pumps work by vacuum pressure causing tissue to expand.

This expansion is neither permanent nor healthy, and can be downright dangerous. Seriously guys, do you want your penis to look like this:

SO HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Porn!

You watch it. You know you do. I watch it. I’m guessing that no matter what your orientation is, as that cock is pounding that mouth or hole you’re studying it.

Comparing yourself to it.

Recognize that the guy getting sucked off probably doesn’t have a dick much bigger than your own. It’s amazing what can be done with camera lenses, angles, lights, makeup, and Final Cut Pro.

Don’t believe me? Check out this blog post from someone who’s actually in the porn industry.

SO HOW CAN I GET A LARGER PENIS?

Fine. If you really want to know, if you’re really all that curious, there’s a simple way without having to spend any money: LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT.

Seriously.

If you’re more than 20 lbs overweight, forget about your cock and get your ass into shape first.

Why?

Because when you do, you’ll notice inches will then magically appear.

There’s a lot of fat sitting on top of the collective cocks of most Americans. As the above illustration depicts, the penis can become literally buried.

Your own personal Jabbah The Hut.

Seriously guys, get your ass into shape and you won’t even NEED to think about wanting to make your dick any larger.

BUT I STILL WANT A LARGER PENIS

Yeah, and I’d prefer to have smaller ears, but you know what? There are lot more important things in life than to fret over and worry about an aspect of our lives which we have no control.

Face it guys. Most of you are between 5-7 inches. Some of you are between 3-4″ or 8-9″.

Even less of you are under 3″ or over 9″, and one in a million or so of us has got a micropenis, or one that you could tie a knot with.

Instead of trying to change aspects of your life that you have no control over, why not concentrate on those parts that you actually can. Be more kind, generous, giving, loving, mentoring, watchful, earnest, respectful, calm, sincere, gentile, progressive, healthy, and welcoming. Trust me guys, do these things and it won’t matter what size your cock is.

Check out the conversation:

6:53:44 AM XXXXXXXXXX: im good i was looking at ur page and under ur pic i saw (queer, pagan, android, with a big dick, a bigger heart, and a small ego) where did u get that from

6:54:35 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: it’s my tag-line/ synopsis/ bio. pretty much sums me up in all sense and fashions.

6:54:47 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: i didn’t get it from anywhere. i came up with it.

6:55:41 AM XXXXXXXXXX: oh i just saw where 1 part of it is from…..Dang that is big if u dont mind me saying

6:56:24 AM XXXXXXXXXX: ?

6:57:43 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: i get that reaction sometimes.

6:58:47 AM XXXXXXXXXX: how can u handle that thing by urself and u can put an eye out

6:59:34 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: not sure i understand ur question.

7:01:06 AM XXXXXXXXXX: thats a big thing ….. not just one hand can hold that lmao ……. and if u do anything u can put somebody eye out lol

7:02:40 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: uh… ok. fortunately i’ve never poked anyone’s eye out. would be embarrasing to explain to a judge or doctor how that would’ve happened.

7:03:00 AM XXXXXXXXXX: lol yea true

7:03:21 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: and you know, my leg is 34” long. fortunately i’ve never poked anyone’s eye out with it either.

7:03:48 AM XXXXXXXXXX: lol ur funny

…

…

…

7:16:51 AM XXXXXXXXXX: man i bet u hurt ur husband with that thing ouch

7:17:32 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: nope.

The guy I chatted with this morning was sweet enough, and I’m assuming genuinely curious, but what is it about the Internet that seems to throw all sense of etiquette-ness out the window?

I guess it’s kinda like how people are drawn to a pregnant woman’s stomach and everyone and their mother wants to approach them and touch their bellies, it’s like what gives, you know?

So anyways… those of you with normal sized cocks be thankful for this: at least you don’t have guys (and girls) thinking you’re just a penis first and a man second.

So what do you think?  Am I over-reacting?

A Newburgh firefighter became an ad hoc surgeon Friday, called upon to use a pneumatic saw to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73-year-old man’s penis.

You’ve got to be asking yourself — as I am — just what the fuck is going on here?

Is it a penis-pump gone awry?

Some sort of lengthening apparatus?  Torsion?

Who the fuck knows, but I can only imaging the paperwork after that call:

Apparently Firefighters chose a “wizzer saw” (you can’t make this shit up).

Newburgh firefighter performs delicate operation to save man’s penis – RecordOnline.com – The Times Herald Record