Hi! It’s me, Mike. I’m writing to you today because I’d like to try to share with you something, and try to convince you of something else.

Whether you have a 13 ½” penis like Jonah Falcon, a foot-longer like me, 9″ like Ken Ryker, or the 7″, 6″, or 5″ that you probably are, a couple of things I know are for certain:

A) Man is not measured by the size of his penis.
B) Some things in life can’t be controlled.
C) If you truly want to get laid more, and be known as a sexual god, put your partner’s sexual needs before yours.

I’m not going to tell you that size doesn’t matter here, I’m sure for some it does. After all, if size didn’t matter there wouldn’t be a slew of men who weren’t attracted to big breasts, and the occasional man or woman who wasn’t attracted to a large cock.

But let’s take a step back here for a second, can we?

Why does it matter so much in the first place?

Look, I’m tall. 6’2″. I know for a fact there are more than a few guys who wouldn’t even give me the time of day based on my height alone. But newsflash guys, we can’t change our height lest we wish to subject ourselves to medieval torture.

I’ve also got big ears. In fact, I hate my ears. Always have. If there was one part on my body that I wish I could change it’d be my ears. But newsflash, I can’t easily change my ears not without undergoing expensive (and painful) plastic surgery.

And, I have a big dick.

But let me tell you how I got my dick.

It wasn’t through prayer. It wasn’t through pills. No crémes, no ointments, no lotions.

No stretching, no exercising, no “jelqing”, no weights.

Just two loving people who got married, fucked, and had a baby.

Now, here’s the news flash: I have been turned down for sex more times in my life both as a teenager and as an adult the moment someone saw my cock … than not.

Why is that?

Could it be simply because when something or someone is “out of the ordinary” they then become an oddity? A curiosity? Something to study, or admire?

See, you guys think you’re going to have your pick of any hot chick or guy walking down the street if only you had a larger penis.

Uh, why?

Do you honestly think a large “basket” will make you attractive? Trust me guys, the only looks a large basket draws to one’s-self are looks of disgust.

It’s the psychology of fear or jealousy I suppose.

Marketers have done an amazing job convincing women that only if they’d do this or do that then their husbands and boyfriends will love them more or would want to stay with them.

Um, hello?!

Marketers know that men are naturally competitive and some will endlessly try to one-up another. There’s always a few of us who can’t stand to have a big screen TV that’s 1″ smaller than our brother or our neighbors’.

But bigger is not always better.

Since the prostate is only located about 1½” inside the anus, on the other side of the colon, and since the G-Spot is only about 3″ inside the vagina — let’s not forget that the vagina in itself is only about 5″ long, but men seem to forget that there’s so much more to a woman’s anatomy than her vagina — hello, fellas! You’re forgetting her clitoris and vulva, and for that you don’t even need to step inside.

So let’s do some simple math here…

How big of a dick are you going to need in order to adequately stimulate your partner?

If you’re smart, you won’t even need one. You think I’m kidding? Then you haven’t met any lesbians.

Please understand this fellas, there is no pill that’s going to help you. Use your head here for one second (I’m talking about the one you DON’T piss with):

IF ALL THOSE PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS WORKED WE WOULD LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE ALLMOST GUYS WOULD HAVE INSANELY LARGE DICKS.

You know you’ve checked out the guy next to you at the bathroom before. There’s just not that many of us (those of us with large dicks) around is there?

Want to know why? Because genetics has a funny way of working out that way. After thousands of years things seems to average out.

Of course, doesn’t explain an occasional Yao Ming being discovered.

THERE ARE NO EXERCISES THAT ARE GOING TO PROVIDE YOU WITH PERMANENT AND APPRECIABLE RESULTS TO MAKE YOUR PENIS BIGGER.

Want to know why?

BECAUSE YOUR PENIS ISN’T A MUSCLE.

It has no muscular tissue.

Exercise strengthens muscles.

Your penis isn’t a muscle.

It has no muscular tissue.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO RISK PERMANENT AND PHYSICAL DAMAGE AND INJURY TO YOUR PENIS WITH “CONTRAPTIONS”?

Let’s be real here.

Torsion machines, tensioners, stretchers…

What the hell do you think they’re going to do?

Your penis is an organ comprised of dozens and dozens of layers of tissue.

Some fibrous, nerves, arteries, veins, skin, fat.

No bones.

No muscles.

Cells and organs have to be told when to grow, and a lot of it happens during puberty.

So while I’m not a physician, I’m hunching that unless you’re in puberty now, trying to stretch your cock out isn’t going to have much luck. You’re not Mr. Fantastic and besides, if that were the case than the medieval rack wouldn’t have been such the torture device that it used to be.

WOULD YOU WANT TO RISK HAVING YOUR PENIS LOOK LIKE THIS:

Penis pumps work by vacuum pressure causing tissue to expand.

This expansion is neither permanent nor healthy, and can be downright dangerous. Seriously guys, do you want your penis to look like this:

SO HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Porn!

You watch it. You know you do. I watch it. I’m guessing that no matter what your orientation is, as that cock is pounding that mouth or hole you’re studying it.

Comparing yourself to it.

Recognize that the guy getting sucked off probably doesn’t have a dick much bigger than your own. It’s amazing what can be done with camera lenses, angles, lights, makeup, and Final Cut Pro.

Don’t believe me? Check out this blog post from someone who’s actually in the porn industry.

SO HOW CAN I GET A LARGER PENIS?

Fine. If you really want to know, if you’re really all that curious, there’s a simple way without having to spend any money: LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT.

Seriously.

If you’re more than 20 lbs overweight, forget about your cock and get your ass into shape first.

Why?

Because when you do, you’ll notice inches will then magically appear.

There’s a lot of fat sitting on top of the collective cocks of most Americans. As the above illustration depicts, the penis can become literally buried.

Your own personal Jabbah The Hut.

Seriously guys, get your ass into shape and you won’t even NEED to think about wanting to make your dick any larger.

BUT I STILL WANT A LARGER PENIS

Yeah, and I’d prefer to have smaller ears, but you know what? There are lot more important things in life than to fret over and worry about an aspect of our lives which we have no control.

Face it guys. Most of you are between 5-7 inches. Some of you are between 3-4″ or 8-9″.

Even less of you are under 3″ or over 9″, and one in a million or so of us has got a micropenis, or one that you could tie a knot with.

Instead of trying to change aspects of your life that you have no control over, why not concentrate on those parts that you actually can. Be more kind, generous, giving, loving, mentoring, watchful, earnest, respectful, calm, sincere, gentile, progressive, healthy, and welcoming. Trust me guys, do these things and it won’t matter what size your cock is.