This morning I was logged into Facebook chat using Adium and had an interesting conversation with one of my friends/ followers. I say interesting, because I know the guy didn’t mean anything by it but…

Check out the conversation:

6:53:44 AM XXXXXXXXXX: im good i was looking at ur page and under ur pic i saw (queer, pagan, android, with a big dick, a bigger heart, and a small ego) where did u get that from

6:54:35 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: it’s my tag-line/ synopsis/ bio. pretty much sums me up in all sense and fashions.

6:54:47 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: i didn’t get it from anywhere. i came up with it.

6:55:41 AM XXXXXXXXXX: oh i just saw where 1 part of it is from…..Dang that is big if u dont mind me saying

6:56:24 AM XXXXXXXXXX: ?

6:57:43 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: i get that reaction sometimes.

6:58:47 AM XXXXXXXXXX: how can u handle that thing by urself and u can put an eye out

6:59:34 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: not sure i understand ur question.

7:01:06 AM XXXXXXXXXX: thats a big thing ….. not just one hand can hold that lmao ……. and if u do anything u can put somebody eye out lol

7:02:40 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: uh… ok. fortunately i’ve never poked anyone’s eye out. would be embarrasing to explain to a judge or doctor how that would’ve happened.

7:03:00 AM XXXXXXXXXX: lol yea true

7:03:21 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: and you know, my leg is 34” long. fortunately i’ve never poked anyone’s eye out with it either.

7:03:48 AM XXXXXXXXXX: lol ur funny

…

…

…

7:16:51 AM XXXXXXXXXX: man i bet u hurt ur husband with that thing ouch

7:17:32 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: nope.

The guy I chatted with this morning was sweet enough, and I’m assuming genuinely curious, but what is it about the Internet that seems to throw all sense of etiquette-ness out the window?

I guess it’s kinda like how people are drawn to a pregnant woman’s stomach and everyone and their mother wants to approach them and touch their bellies, it’s like what gives, you know?

So anyways… those of you with normal sized cocks be thankful for this: at least you don’t have guys (and girls) thinking you’re just a penis first and a man second.

So what do you think?  Am I over-reacting?

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• Newburgh firefighter performs delicate operation to save man's penis – RecordOnline.com – The Times Herald Record
• Size Matters… even in Nigeria

Can having an unusually large penis subject someone to sexual harassment? Could it be protected by the ADA?

I ask because I had an interesting conversation today with my boss (VP & General Counsel for my Company), and our head of HR. It seems someone has complained to HR about “[my] appearance.” This wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened at a place where I work.

Now I’m in management, so there’s a certain amount of decorum and professionalism that’s expected from me and all my peers. We’re supposed to toe the Company’s beliefs and philosophies, while at the same time trying to get as much productivity out of our employees and remain ever mindful of the bottom line and our expenses. Especially expenses, because my group brings in absolutely no revenue, but is never-the-less an important part of the Company. I say this because it’s important to understand something: I wear a suit & tie to work, except on Casual Fridays when I wear slacks & a golf shirt.

I allow my employees to dress casually, and that’s perfectly accepted by the Company’s culture. My physical security folks have to wear a uniform, but then again they’re contractors.

So I was called into the head of HR’s office this afternoon, and joining me was my boss.

When they told me they had received a complaint about me, naturally I asked what it was about.

It seems one of my employees could see the outline of my penis in my pants fabric during a meeting and felt it inappropriate for the workplace.

This prompted a rather defensive and interesting debate let me tell you. The head of our HR is a woman, and I’ve got to tell you I couldn’t have felt more embarrassed followed quickly by a touch of anger at what was happening.

I wasn’t being accused of sexual harassment (although I was told the complaint was bordeline).

I wasn’t even being accused of being aroused either (which I could at least understand … albeit slightly.)

No, I was being accused of unconsciously allowing the outline of a natural part of my body to become visible through my pants.

It’s not like I’m not aware of my penis 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Heaven forbid I was sexually aroused, the person who complained (I don’t know for sure who it was but I have an idea) would have probably called the cops.

So I might have put a few nails in my coffin, but I couldn’t help but inform HR lady that I wished to lob a complaint myself, but unlike what she was doing I was willing to grant the accuser the decency of facing her accused.

She said it would be inappropriate for me to file a complaint against one of my employees since this process had now started, so you should have seen the look on her face when I told her it wasn’t against any of my employees.

“So who’s it against?” she asked.

“You.”

My boss kind of got a bit agitated, but I was trying to prove a point (and I think I did as you’ll find out).

So, when she asked me what my complaint against her was, I told her it was about her breasts. That as a gay man, I was offended by them, and her overtly displays of feminism.

She’s not blonde, but she’s quite buxomed. Not like I really thought about her breasts much before today’s meeting mind you.

So when she told me that they were a part of her body, I earnestly reminded her that we were meeting today about someone’s complaint about a part of my body, too. I also pointed out to her that she had an option to get breast reduction surgery, whereas I have no options.

I then asked my boss if I had ever made him uncomfortable, and he told me no. I think he was being honest.

I asked HR lady if I had ever made her uncomfortable, and she said no.

I also stood up and asked either one of them if they could see anything (thank the Gods I wore loose fitting pants today!) and HR lady said no. You should have seen the look on her face though when I pressed my pants into my thigh and DID show them the outline.

I told ‘em both if they want to fire me, then fire me, but there’s nothing I can do more than what I’ve already done, and asked them both that if they want to pursue this further that this sounds to me like it would be discrimination.

I’m not going to go into specifics as to why I think might have lodged a complaint. I think I know who it was, but it really doesn’t matter. This person has made it clear to me they do not approve of my religion, my political persuasion, or my lifestyle. Too bad for this person because I could care less what they think, and I try to be objective enough not to let personal feelings interfere with professional obligations.

So what do you think? What would you have done in this situation?

Pax,

Mike

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A Newburgh firefighter became an ad hoc surgeon Friday, called upon to use a pneumatic saw to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73-year-old man’s penis.

You’ve got to be asking yourself — as I am — just what the fuck is going on here?

Is it a penis-pump gone awry?

Some sort of lengthening apparatus?  Torsion?

Who the fuck knows, but I can only imaging the paperwork after that call:

Apparently Firefighters chose a “wizzer saw” (you can’t make this shit up).

Newburgh firefighter performs delicate operation to save man’s penis – RecordOnline.com – The Times Herald Record

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You know the myth that black guys typically have larger penises? Not true, and it does a brother harm to continue to perpetuate that racial stereotype.

Besides, in my experience it’s been latin guys (and to a smaller — ha! — extent Italians) tend to have the largest Johnsons.

So, when an article publised today in an online Nigerian newspaper called Vanguard appeared, I my curiosity was piqued.

Guys worry about the size of their cocks all over the world. Europe, Asia, North America, South America, Africa. Hell, I’m sure there’s some guys with penis envy down in Antarctica at McMurdo Base too!

And you know what? Most seem to agree that size really doesn’t matter.

What do you think? — [Vanguard]

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I often wonder, are guys with normal-sized dicks constantly reminded of theirs?  Let me explain.

I’ve got two feet.  I know that they’re there, but I don’t constantly think about them.  In fact, unless I trip or otherwise stub my toe, my feet propel me from point “A” to point “B” without so much as a second thought.

Take my ears next.  I know I’ve got them as well, but unless my partner is gently stroking them or gently nibbling on them, I don’t consciously know that they’re there.

Sure, I can feel them when I’m wearing my sunglasses, or if I run my fingers through my hair, but the point is that consciously, they’re a part of my body that I rarely give a second thought to.

Now my nose is a little different.   If I look down, I can see the sides of my nose and the tip of my nose through my very own eyes.  My nose constantly reminds me that I’ve got allergies, and it has an overabundant desire to itch which is constantly causing me to rub it with my fingers.

But other than that, my nose is just one of those parts of my body that for the most part minds its own business.

Not my penis though.

I am constantly reminded of my penis.  It makes me aware of its presence morning, noon, and night.

I also have to take special precautions sometimes when I’m out in public or lest someone think I’m a pervert, horny, carrying a concealed weapon (you laugh but it happened once.), or any combination of the three.

I am always cognizant of its presence and state.  It’s the most neediest part of my body next to, say my mouth with its own cravings for food followed by: brushing, and flossing, and gargling, and rinsing, and kissing, and licking, and sucking, and eating, and swallowing…

No, my penis it seems is always fighting to get my attention.  Even now, as I sit here writing this post, my penis is stirring in my pants, taunting me to adjust it.

All of this is fine and good I’m assuming for most guys.  Then again, I guess most guys don’t need to worry about what looks like a night-stick stuck in their pants if they sport an erection.

As any mature adult knows, every one of us constantly goes through states of sexual arousal throughout the day.  For no apparent reason.

Yes ladies, whether or not we’re thinking of sex or not, our bodies might get sexually aroused on our own behalf.

I don’t know if this is true, but a friend of mine who was in pre-med at the time told me that barring anything physical abnormalities, a guy’s penis wants to naturally be erect.  That, in fact, when we’re unconscious penises will normally become erect whether or not there’s anything sexual going on.  That to stay soft, the penis requires a conscious effort to do so.

This, I’m sure, explains a lot.  Like how we are usually hard right when we wake up in the morning.

Point being, there’s not a day that goes by where I’m not consciously trying to conceal either a semi or full-blown (no pun intended) hardon in public.

There’s not an hour that goes by where I’m not constantly being forced to adjust myself.

So the point of this post, and the reason for wondering is: are all guys constantly reminded of their penises?

Are women constantly reminded of their breasts?

Or are each part of one’s own body that we just naturally live with and work our lives around?

Or am I just a freak?

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• Welcome!