The biggest news story this week has to be the TV News Anchor “Michael,” who was just trying to fit in with his female anchor companions at the end of a story about enhancing female sex drive. Well, just watch for yourself:

TSA Agents down in Miami who are more concerned over their co-workers’ penis size than protecting us, the travelin’ public from terrorists were still in the news.

I talked about it here a little while ago.

Poor Rolando Negrin. I know some are arguing and making fun of him for his short stature but we don’t seriously know how big (or how small!) he really is. I’m over 8” soft myself, and can make even those of you with perfectly normal cocks look small in comparison so who am I to judge? For that matter, who the hell are you? But now you know why the TSA doesn’t want the traveling public to see un-doctored images from these things.

Notice I completely stayed away from one poor New Zealand tourist who got a little more than he bargained for when he went swimming.

And I’m starting to see more stories crop up, and more searches surrounding MTV’s new TV series “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”. We’ve learned that Jeffrey Katzenberg’s son (think Dreamworks) is one of the heavy-weights around it, and that it has a lot of low-brow humor.

I read one article that described it as “…the show we all wanted to see when we were 15.”

But I’ve still got issues with this.

Maybe I was just raised differently, but I had enough problems of my own growing up with a ridiculously large penis to know and learn that once people discover that aspect about you, that’s all you typically become known as.

Which is no wonder that now, as an adult, I go to extraordinary lengths (no pun intended) to downplay it in real life.

Some guys get off showing off. I’m not one of those guys.

But my biggest problem with this show is that it seems to continue the stereotype that all you need is a big cock to be successful in life and that pisses me off to no end.

So that’s pretty much it for the penisphere this week. Now, let’s take a look at what you’ve been doing!

Here’s a listing of the top-ten search terms on this site for the past week in descending order:

1. nigerian penis
2. does penis size really matter
3. penis size
4. does size really matter
5. does shoe size have to do with dick size?
6. big cocks of nigerians
7. nigerian guys monster dick
8. do women like jonah falcon
9. does a vagina become loose after too many sex with different size
10. mtv show about a student with a big penis

First guys, you guys are way too fascinated with Nigerians and their penises.

I hate to burst your bubble and bust your myths but black men — on average — don’t have penises that are that much larger than white guys or latinos, and the same holds true for Nigerians.

Here I thought Nigerians’ were noticed more for their scams impersonating Kings and Bankers and other luminaries than their penises.

But let’s see if we can squelch this rumor once and for all?

Thanks to the Nigerian 419 Scams, there’s a few websites who’s sole purpose is to expose these guys and their shenanigans. No, shenanigans is not another word for penis, but there are a few Nigerian penises that we can see. Let’s take a look.

Now, 419 Eater is not a porn site, so most of the nude images of Nigerian men are at least somewhat censored, but there’s a lot of intelligence we can gleam from them.

I am a size-queen, and I know my cock, and from examining all of these pictures, I haven’t found any to be of men with abnormally large penises:

1. Oileo: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=197
   • We can just barely make out either the bottom of his scrotum or head of his penis in the shaft of the leaf covering up his privates. He looks to be about 6”–7”.
2. I am Kinky, I am not Gay: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=195
   • 5”–6” tops.
3. Husband and Wife: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=188
   • 4”–6” tops.
4. Husband and Wife #2: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=187
   • 4”–6” tops.
5. King & Kinky: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=185
   • 5”–7” tops.

Sorry fellas.The top of the charts most week is the age old question, “Does penis size really matter?” and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve done here to quell the fears of every guy out there with an average sized dick is that no, it doesn’t.

I know you’re probably thinking that’s easy for me to say as I’ve never had to deal with a small penis, but I’d gladly trade my cock for an average sized penis any day.

At least then I could wear whatever the hell I wanted without ever having to worry about whether or not something was “appropriate” for the occasion.

At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about my cock accidentally taking a dip into a toilet bowl while I’m sitting on it.

At least then annual physicals wouldn’t be awkward for those precious few minutes for me, my doctor, and the nurse.

At least then I wouldn’t have to see mothers and their children guide them away or steer them away if they see me walking down through Centennial or Piedmont wearing pants that are either just a little too tight or light in color that the sun and shadows are doing such a magnificent job at accentuating my cock because they probably think I’m some kind of pervert.

So fellas, when I die I’m donating my cock to you. You can have it.

And judging by the continued number of searches trying to figure out if a man’s shoe size, hand size, size of his nose, arm, feet, or ears have any correlation to his penis I’m afraid fellas the answer is an emphatic no,

Think about it, does the size of a woman’s nose, hands, or ears have anything to do with the size of her breasts (assuming she hasn’t had any plastic surgery)? Then why in the hell would you think a man’s hands or feet have anything to do with the size of his penis? ☺

As for Jonah Falcon, and whether or not women like him (I’m assuming the searches are referring to his penis), I don’t know. I don’t know Jonah. We’ve chatted on IM and Facebook once or twice but that’s about it. I’ve extended an offer to him in the past if he wants to chime in on his penis, but my take is he’d rather be known for his acting than his penis which not only do I not blame him, but I laud him for those efforts as well.

Last, “…does a woman’s vagina become loose…” where I’m assuming the person meant after having too much sex or sex with really large guys and the like.

A woman’s external reproductive organs are elastic and are designed to stretch and accommodate the passage and delivery of a new born baby. Most human penises don’t come anywhere close to the dimensions of a newborn.

But if a woman is concerned about her vaginal muscles weakening, performing Kegel Exercises (and strengthening the “PC” muscles) will certainly help. Guys, you can do this too and it’ll help you just as much.

The “PC” muscles are the same muscles you use to start and stop the flow of urine when you’re peeing. Tense these muscles up, do about 3 sets of 20 reps each day and both you and your partner will definitely enhance each others’ sex lives.

So that’s it for this week! I hope you’ve learned a little something today either about yourself or about your partner. I hope I’ve succeeded in quelling either some of your rumors or your fears. Education is the most powerful weapon, and the more educated you are the less likely you are to be scammed, ripped off, or sounding like an idiot.

Now, I’m late for my morning run! See ya!

So, it turns out MTV is planning on producing a scripted reality-TV show (talk about an oxymoron) about an unpopular High School student with a large penis whose life is turned around (for the better) once everyone finds out.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Really, MTV?

Way to go in propelling the stereotype that all a man needs to succeed in life is a large penis.

The series is apparently going to be called “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”. Why not simply call it “Size Queen High School Follies”.

MTV is clearly saying to all dorks that the only way you can ever think of getting a girl is to have a monster cock.

This is dangerous, and it’s wrong.

Shame on MTV.

Now, where did I put that Adam Curry blow-up doll?

Check out the conversation:

6:53:44 AM XXXXXXXXXX: im good i was looking at ur page and under ur pic i saw (queer, pagan, android, with a big dick, a bigger heart, and a small ego) where did u get that from

6:54:35 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: it’s my tag-line/ synopsis/ bio. pretty much sums me up in all sense and fashions.

6:54:47 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: i didn’t get it from anywhere. i came up with it.

6:55:41 AM XXXXXXXXXX: oh i just saw where 1 part of it is from…..Dang that is big if u dont mind me saying

6:56:24 AM XXXXXXXXXX: ?

6:57:43 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: i get that reaction sometimes.

6:58:47 AM XXXXXXXXXX: how can u handle that thing by urself and u can put an eye out

6:59:34 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: not sure i understand ur question.

7:01:06 AM XXXXXXXXXX: thats a big thing ….. not just one hand can hold that lmao ……. and if u do anything u can put somebody eye out lol

7:02:40 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: uh… ok. fortunately i’ve never poked anyone’s eye out. would be embarrasing to explain to a judge or doctor how that would’ve happened.

7:03:00 AM XXXXXXXXXX: lol yea true

7:03:21 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: and you know, my leg is 34” long. fortunately i’ve never poked anyone’s eye out with it either.

7:03:48 AM XXXXXXXXXX: lol ur funny

…

…

…

7:16:51 AM XXXXXXXXXX: man i bet u hurt ur husband with that thing ouch

7:17:32 AM cyberczar@gmail.com: nope.

The guy I chatted with this morning was sweet enough, and I’m assuming genuinely curious, but what is it about the Internet that seems to throw all sense of etiquette-ness out the window?

I guess it’s kinda like how people are drawn to a pregnant woman’s stomach and everyone and their mother wants to approach them and touch their bellies, it’s like what gives, you know?

So anyways… those of you with normal sized cocks be thankful for this: at least you don’t have guys (and girls) thinking you’re just a penis first and a man second.

So what do you think?  Am I over-reacting?

I ask because I had an interesting conversation today with my boss (VP & General Counsel for my Company), and our head of HR. It seems someone has complained to HR about “[my] appearance.” This wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened at a place where I work.

Now I’m in management, so there’s a certain amount of decorum and professionalism that’s expected from me and all my peers. We’re supposed to toe the Company’s beliefs and philosophies, while at the same time trying to get as much productivity out of our employees and remain ever mindful of the bottom line and our expenses. Especially expenses, because my group brings in absolutely no revenue, but is never-the-less an important part of the Company. I say this because it’s important to understand something: I wear a suit & tie to work, except on Casual Fridays when I wear slacks & a golf shirt.

I allow my employees to dress casually, and that’s perfectly accepted by the Company’s culture. My physical security folks have to wear a uniform, but then again they’re contractors.

So I was called into the head of HR’s office this afternoon, and joining me was my boss.

When they told me they had received a complaint about me, naturally I asked what it was about.

It seems one of my employees could see the outline of my penis in my pants fabric during a meeting and felt it inappropriate for the workplace.

This prompted a rather defensive and interesting debate let me tell you. The head of our HR is a woman, and I’ve got to tell you I couldn’t have felt more embarrassed followed quickly by a touch of anger at what was happening.

I wasn’t being accused of sexual harassment (although I was told the complaint was bordeline).

I wasn’t even being accused of being aroused either (which I could at least understand … albeit slightly.)

No, I was being accused of unconsciously allowing the outline of a natural part of my body to become visible through my pants.

It’s not like I’m not aware of my penis 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Heaven forbid I was sexually aroused, the person who complained (I don’t know for sure who it was but I have an idea) would have probably called the cops.

So I might have put a few nails in my coffin, but I couldn’t help but inform HR lady that I wished to lob a complaint myself, but unlike what she was doing I was willing to grant the accuser the decency of facing her accused.

She said it would be inappropriate for me to file a complaint against one of my employees since this process had now started, so you should have seen the look on her face when I told her it wasn’t against any of my employees.

“So who’s it against?” she asked.

“You.”

My boss kind of got a bit agitated, but I was trying to prove a point (and I think I did as you’ll find out).

So, when she asked me what my complaint against her was, I told her it was about her breasts. That as a gay man, I was offended by them, and her overtly displays of feminism.

She’s not blonde, but she’s quite buxomed. Not like I really thought about her breasts much before today’s meeting mind you.

So when she told me that they were a part of her body, I earnestly reminded her that we were meeting today about someone’s complaint about a part of my body, too. I also pointed out to her that she had an option to get breast reduction surgery, whereas I have no options.

I then asked my boss if I had ever made him uncomfortable, and he told me no. I think he was being honest.

I asked HR lady if I had ever made her uncomfortable, and she said no.

I also stood up and asked either one of them if they could see anything (thank the Gods I wore loose fitting pants today!) and HR lady said no. You should have seen the look on her face though when I pressed my pants into my thigh and DID show them the outline.

I told ‘em both if they want to fire me, then fire me, but there’s nothing I can do more than what I’ve already done, and asked them both that if they want to pursue this further that this sounds to me like it would be discrimination.

I’m not going to go into specifics as to why I think might have lodged a complaint. I think I know who it was, but it really doesn’t matter. This person has made it clear to me they do not approve of my religion, my political persuasion, or my lifestyle. Too bad for this person because I could care less what they think, and I try to be objective enough not to let personal feelings interfere with professional obligations.

So what do you think? What would you have done in this situation?

Pax,

Mike

A Newburgh firefighter became an ad hoc surgeon Friday, called upon to use a pneumatic saw to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73-year-old man’s penis.

You’ve got to be asking yourself — as I am — just what the fuck is going on here?

Is it a penis-pump gone awry?

Some sort of lengthening apparatus?  Torsion?

Who the fuck knows, but I can only imaging the paperwork after that call:

Apparently Firefighters chose a “wizzer saw” (you can’t make this shit up).

Newburgh firefighter performs delicate operation to save man’s penis – RecordOnline.com – The Times Herald Record

Besides, in my experience it’s been latin guys (and to a smaller — ha! — extent Italians) tend to have the largest Johnsons.

So, when an article publised today in an online Nigerian newspaper called Vanguard appeared, I my curiosity was piqued.

Guys worry about the size of their cocks all over the world. Europe, Asia, North America, South America, Africa. Hell, I’m sure there’s some guys with penis envy down in Antarctica at McMurdo Base too!

And you know what? Most seem to agree that size really doesn’t matter.

What do you think? — [Vanguard]

I’ve got two feet.  I know that they’re there, but I don’t constantly think about them.  In fact, unless I trip or otherwise stub my toe, my feet propel me from point “A” to point “B” without so much as a second thought.

Take my ears next.  I know I’ve got them as well, but unless my partner is gently stroking them or gently nibbling on them, I don’t consciously know that they’re there.

Sure, I can feel them when I’m wearing my sunglasses, or if I run my fingers through my hair, but the point is that consciously, they’re a part of my body that I rarely give a second thought to.

Now my nose is a little different.   If I look down, I can see the sides of my nose and the tip of my nose through my very own eyes.  My nose constantly reminds me that I’ve got allergies, and it has an overabundant desire to itch which is constantly causing me to rub it with my fingers.

But other than that, my nose is just one of those parts of my body that for the most part minds its own business.

Not my penis though.

I am constantly reminded of my penis.  It makes me aware of its presence morning, noon, and night.

I also have to take special precautions sometimes when I’m out in public or lest someone think I’m a pervert, horny, carrying a concealed weapon (you laugh but it happened once.), or any combination of the three.

I am always cognizant of its presence and state.  It’s the most neediest part of my body next to, say my mouth with its own cravings for food followed by: brushing, and flossing, and gargling, and rinsing, and kissing, and licking, and sucking, and eating, and swallowing…

No, my penis it seems is always fighting to get my attention.  Even now, as I sit here writing this post, my penis is stirring in my pants, taunting me to adjust it.

All of this is fine and good I’m assuming for most guys.  Then again, I guess most guys don’t need to worry about what looks like a night-stick stuck in their pants if they sport an erection.

As any mature adult knows, every one of us constantly goes through states of sexual arousal throughout the day.  For no apparent reason.

Yes ladies, whether or not we’re thinking of sex or not, our bodies might get sexually aroused on our own behalf.

I don’t know if this is true, but a friend of mine who was in pre-med at the time told me that barring anything physical abnormalities, a guy’s penis wants to naturally be erect.  That, in fact, when we’re unconscious penises will normally become erect whether or not there’s anything sexual going on.  That to stay soft, the penis requires a conscious effort to do so.

This, I’m sure, explains a lot.  Like how we are usually hard right when we wake up in the morning.

Point being, there’s not a day that goes by where I’m not consciously trying to conceal either a semi or full-blown (no pun intended) hardon in public.

There’s not an hour that goes by where I’m not constantly being forced to adjust myself.

So the point of this post, and the reason for wondering is: are all guys constantly reminded of their penises?

Are women constantly reminded of their breasts?

Or are each part of one’s own body that we just naturally live with and work our lives around?

Or am I just a freak?